This post WILL make you jealous

Hello dear reader, I am sure that you are breathless with anticipation about my life as of late. Don't worry, I am willing to enlighten you. I have sat around a lot and refused to leave the house due to the fact that to leave requires riding a bike or taking a bus or walking. I hate bikes in a way that cannot be adequately described, and buses are expensive. As a result I have no excuse for giving you an update of events that happened two weeks ago. Maybe next week you'll get my life from last weekend.

However, I have once left the house. This was for my much anticipated and obviously awesome trip to Holland for a Guns N Roses concert.

Friday, Mel and I left for our flight to Belgium. We took a flight to Belgium because Ryanair is a failure of an airline and we couldn't get tickets to a closer place for the day we needed. We also assumed, as all Americans do, that Europe is about the size of Texas. Actually Europe is bigger than the United States. Brussels is 130 miles away from Amsterdam. However, this did not deter us largely because I just had to look it up, which means we didn't know this at any point.

We decided to stay the night in Brussels, which was beautiful (wow I'm sick of describing all European cities as beautiful. From now on just assume they are unless I deliberately say "this city looked like the shit that other shit shits out after eating bad tacos). We had a traditional (lies) Belgian breakfast of Häagen-Dazs waffles, which Wikipedia informs me was actually established by Polish immigrants in New York City, but whatever, it was open and we were in an area largely populated by expensive clothing stores and we needed to make our train by 11, so we only had a brief time for breakfast and sight-seeing. I wish I had more of a chance to look at Brussels because it looked like an interesting city, but sadly I probably won't be back until my next adventure in Europe a few decades from now because Western Europe is prohibitively expensive.

We then took a 4 hour train the 130 miles to Amsterdam, in a great mood because, well, we were going to Amsterdam. You try being upset when you're going to the Holy Grail of the American college student.

 

Upon arrival we discussed the most important step: getting to our hostel. We then went into a nearby coffeeshop instead. For those of you unfamiliar with Amsterdam coffeeshops, they are the major attraction of this city. They are different from cafes. 

Then we get on the bus. After about ten minutes it occurs to us that we don't know what stop we're getting off at. The guy behind us offers to show us, but Mel gets freaked out by him, so we have to get off and walk. I was currently in my completely unfazed state and just enjoyed the scenery, which was largely houses and apartment complexes. It occurs to me that people actually live in Amsterdam, which is a concept that is completely foreign to me. I always thought of it as just a place to visit. I wonder if people feel this way when they get to my neighborhood in San Francisco (which has absolutely nothing of interest to do unless you like Asian produce markets).

That night we have no discernible plan, so we head to another coffeeshop to chill out and see what happens. We start talking to a British guy who is hanging out with his friend and we decide to go to coffeeshops and bars and just wander around for the night. We see a lot of tourists and sex shops and prostitutes, but it is all with the air of an amusement park for adults, and it never fully feels like a real place. Mel coined the term "amsterdisneyland" to describe it, and I am really jealous that I did not think of it first. She is lucky I even give her credit.

I maintain my delusion

Eventually we get bored with our companions. One of them is too drunk to be interesting and I am having a hard time looking at the other one because in my current state and due to some unfortunate lighting I have decided he looks like an alien, and I am deathly terrified of aliens. I feel bad for this, but there is nothing I can do to help it and I'm getting closer and closer to blurting this out.

I truly am.

We wind up at the epitome of American class due to a craving for fries.












The next day, we need to make a trip to Arnhem, Holland (65 miles away. We had no concept of distance for this trip). We go to the train station armed with suitable libations and begin our two hour rest. I am lulled into complacency by the beautiful scenery and decide that the Flaming Lips are a religious experience. They will never sound so amazing again.

That night we go to the concert where the band actually shows up (a minor victory out of Axel Rose) and he rocks pretty fuckin hard for an old guy. I wish I had something more awesome to say about it, but it's Guns N Roses. Either you get the epicness of this paragraph or you don't see what the big deal is and there is nothing I can say to change your mind.

Overall, trip of a lifetime, worked out really well considering that we didn't even book trains/hostels until the day before, and I wish I had more tales of Amsterdam debauchery, but I could not afford a prostitute.